Bodily harm

Tonight when putting all the kids to bed by myself, not feeling particularly sweet or spiritual I said: "Stay in your beds or risk . . . . . . . . danger, bodily harm!"

As I go out the doorway, "Mama, what's moddily farm???"

Really takes all the oomphf out of the threat.

You don't really feel like you can keep your word and throttle them, when they didn't get the vocabulary.

So maybe I knew they wouldn't get what I was saying, but said it nonetheless because it felt good. Guess I didn't really want to have to keep my word if they were to follow me out of the room (which they did!!! grrr)--you know, the whole "don't threaten a punishment unless you're going to follow through."

So I'm still the mellow mom you thought me to be.

Ask me sometime how I unsnarl Alli and Simon when they're all tangled up in a mutual attack while I'm nursing; it involves a foot.

The living is easy

Happy ZOOBILEE to you! We are ever trying to teach them how to smile for a pic.

My new genius million-dollar idea is a fun at-home kid-styled mister to replace running through a sprinkler--conserve water, eh? It's probably already out there, but I'm thinking of it cause even here in H* (finish that as you will) we seem to be in a drought!

Now there are smiles! I guess I just have to expect a smile hiatus between ages 1-4.

This guy was going around saying "Mom???? Mooo-oom?" Ha ha. Alli was quite concerned, but she still gave him five.

You can notice how he becomes less impressive standing next to Mark. ;)

But I still liked all his jokes.

These are frogs! a monkey would have a rounded forehead, i tell you! Happy Year of the FROG.

So back to the smiling topic, I'm not quite sure why I'm smiling like I have mis-aligned dentures . . . and for further anatomy fun, all those who are curious can see my scar in this pic.

AUGGGHHHH!!!!!!

My kids haven't used crayons for weeks. I asked them both if they had any in their pockets. But still, two not-back-to-back loads of laundry have been ruined by a crayon phantom. First, a red one; now an orange and blue one. It's like they were hiding in the aggitator and just managed to wriggle their way out!!!! augh! you try to keep your kids from looking like ragamuffins, and . . . grrr. i'm off to inspect the full damage. i don't care as much about the clothes i got for a few bucks (a lot of them), but mary tessa's new baby clothes particularly get to me. and to replace simon's $3 shorts is a new challenge: taking three kids (read: Allianna) to the store.

i soaked the last ruined load in oxyclean for two days . . . i think that it helped, but that's too much laundry zealousy for me to maintain!

A requisite photo shoot . . . her cuteness factor has increased!

I soon had help. . .

Photo shoot continues . . .

You have to pretend a two year-old is in trouble to get her to smile.

You have to give a four year-old a new baby to get him to smile.

You have to exist to get your sweet baby to smile at you. Really, she is too generous!* We're so lucky to have her around--I would recommend you get a Mary Tessa, except there's only one!

*Of course, she's not quite smiling in these shots because she's concerning herself with surviving a SimAlli sandwich.

Ready for something different to look at?

Here's an oldey but a goody from Mary Tessa's blessing day.

Our camera card is full and I haven't been able to take new pictures for a week--all it would take is burning our pics to c.d. (you'd think I could manage that, but I haven't yet!).

In other news, I'm in physical therapy for my neck now, which is awesome. I have a bunch of exercises to improve my range of motion and I get to go twice a week for hands-on work on my neck (voice box, muscles, scar tissue) which just feels like a really fabulous massage.

I love my cancer center!

Also, it looks like I'm done having any other treatment (except the p.t.) for a year, besides checkups. Yay!

It's been really humbling and refreshing to be around all the cancer patients (and stretching to be one myself). All of the staff (from custodial to surgeons) and patients have such empathy and compassion for each other that it's a good check on how I treat people in other scenarios.

And you thought laundry was boring . . .

Lleaving a disposable diaper in the wash beats the pants off of a measly kleenex!

I spent a good half an hour shaking out a large load of clothes--it seemed like I dumped a *huge* batch of tapioca all over them!

Gotta go, kids in the kiddie pool . . .

Doin' pretty good!

Noteworthy:

Managed a shower by myself today.

Changed a diaper.

Got off narcotics.

Stitches out tomorrow!??(and JP drain--if you know what that is, shout hooray with me, if not, enjoy your ignorance)

Still wish Halloween wasn't so far away . . . a pretty good Frankenstein . . .

Also, completely unrelated, discovered Steve and Barry's. Which is clothing, but makes me think that Ben and Jerry's would be good.

I feel like Chinese take-out.

Hope you've enjoyed my post-narcotic daze.

My thyroid cancer

I know, that's quite the title! I've been deliberating for months about making this post, and since I'm going in for surgery tomorrow, I'm finally going to write it.

First of all, this is a cancer so treatable that I've had multiple doctors tell me that if you could pick a cancer to have this is the one to pick.

So, in December I noticed a lymph node in my neck that didn't seem to be going away. The kids and I (miraculously) hadn't been sick forever, so it didn't seem related to a cold or anything. In January I went through a bunch of biopsies, ultrasounds, and appointments (with ENT dr.s and endocrinologists). Even though we had been told at our first ENT appt. that there was a very high chance that the lymph node was nothing, when the (friday) ultrasounds started to drag on and had to be repeated after the weekend when there were more dr.s on staff, we knew that there was probably something (and probably cancer) going on. It was a weird weekend going to church and talking to family and friends and having that in the back of our mind but not bringing it up with anyone (yet).

On January 25 I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid carcinoma. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. Mark and I had done a lot of research during our waiting period (but seperately, because we each didn't want the other to get overly concerned before we knew anything) and so we knew from that and from the ENT dr.'s explanation that it is a very treatable "surgical" cancer. My initial grief was really for the baby and my upcoming birth; I didn't like the thought of having to leave the baby twice for up to a week in its first few months--I didn't know if I could have the kind of birth I'd planned on or if I'd be able to breastfeed. Sorting out those concerns was the substance of the next few months. Poor Simon and Alli . . . we tried to pay attention to them. You know, with being tired and pregnant and cancerous and all . . . ;) My other initial thought was, okay, this is a fascinating fact to put on my life history/ CV "I've lived in Zimbabwe, I play the viola, I had cancer in my 20s . . ."

Anyway, my treatment team consists of an endocrinologist and an ENT surgeon. Our first endocrinologist gave us the happy news that my surgery could wait until about a month after delivery. Hooray, I had my birth back in my hands, or, back in my . . . rather. Oh yeah, this is what the treatment will be:

• a thyroidectomy to completely remove my thyroid and other bad nodes. I take thyroid replacement pills daily forever (my first old lady pill!) like many people with thyroid issues.


• swallowing a dose of radioactive iodine. Thyroid cells are the only cells that take up iodine (all you former KeyClub-ers remember the fundraising to prevent goiters in developing countries by supplying iodine?) and so any remaining microscopic thyroid cell guys are zapped by the radioactive stuff.


• following me for recurrance (easily treatable with iodine) at intervals throughout my life. But, basically, I'm done, I'm normal and I can forget about cancer.

Now, my first team of physicians said I had to have the iodine about 6wks post-surgery. And that that would be the end of breastfeeding. Really pretty devastating--I looked into lots of options: pumping and dumping for MONTHS, getting friends to donate, being fine with formula, researching medical journals online, consulting medical friends, etc.

However, here in H*town we have one of the world's largest cancer centers. Mark works there, even. So we wondered if we should go there, but second-guessed ourselves because the treatment for my cancer is so "simple." Finally, in my very last, "sea-going barge" weeks of pregnancy I managed to make all the calls and get the records submitted to be seen at the ol' MDACC. They scheduled me for a day full of various appts the day before my due date. I was really begrudging having to ask more friends to babysit for a marathon day (between all my midwife appts and all the diagnostic appts of the past few months, many of our friends have been very gracious). But it turned out to be a surprisingly wonderful day!

Our endocrinologist was fabulous and much more human and emphathetic than our previous one; he was even the one to bring up extending breastfeeding by delaying the iodine treatment (and monitoring my thyroid levels in my blood)! In many ways, treatment and staff at the Cancer Center are night and day different from the other local hospital--I cannot recommend them highly enough!!!! So if you ever find yourself in a cancerous situation, go there. The previous dr.s I was with were completely competent, but the ones now are just fabulous (very talented, willing to not just follow the book and treat each *individual* as such, and so experienced)!!!

So, with that vote of confidence, I report for surgery tomorrow morning . . .

My mom and sister are coming in to be the mom for the next week and a half and gals from Relief Society at church are helping with lots of meals and babysitting. It's been a long crazy road, but I've felt the powers of heaven close many times.

There may be a blog-hiatus, but now you know why ;)

By the way, Mary Tessa's still VERY cute . . . I've got blessing pictures for her that you can anticipate the posting of.

Thank you for songs

Allianna has really taken to singing lately. It's hard to make her go get ready for bed when she's thrilling you with a conglomerate of the Alphabet song and another childhood favorite.

Here she is bringing me "some piano music" while I work on the computer (I've decided that submitting online hold requests is the only way for me to do the library anymore). The sound is kind of quiet on this video, sorry. Anyway, the best part is she spontaneously prays at the end--simply thanking Heavenly Father "for a song." It's pure.

***okay, so the video can't seem to line up the audio and video. and it gets off to a slow start. but it's up here for her grandparents at least. . .

Sisters

They're on their way . . . hooray!

It's Nanna and Papa!

--I'll get back to the blog next week!

My generations

My favorite people in this world came before and after me.*

My dear dad and mom came just in time to receive this new favorite gal.
(though my dad wasn't quite sure he was ready to hold her . . .).

*and one especial favorite came just 7 1/2 weeks after me. Love you, hon.

A Happy Birthstory!

I've been thinking through my birth of Mary Tessa many times over the past week. It seems like there are so many angles and details and I want to both emphasize the most important things and share the kooky "good story" bits.

• my mom and i had been joking over my 41st week that we are both not "water breakers." our pregnancies always go long and the bag holds strong.


• i did in actuality do the bunny hop on the b. day. i had spent 5 days with absolutely no signs of labor or more than a uterine squeeze.


• we already had 3 birthdays that week in our extended family (including mine) and i wanted the babe to have its own day (and not St. Patty's day at that!)

So here goes:

My parents had planned to fly in a week and a day after my due date. Simon was 6 days past, Allianna was 7 (and now Mary Tessa was 8 . . . a trend?), so I felt comfortable promising them I'd have a baby by the time they got there. About a half an hour after their plane landed, I was sitting out in the yard with the kids waiting for them and I reached down out of my chair quickly and "pop!"--whaaaaat, could this be? Was I now among the water breakers??? This was at 6:30pm. I called Mark at work and my parents to let them know--at least we knew now we'd have a baby within an earth's rotation.

6:45--call the midwives to let them know. I love them all, but am delighted to find out that it's Theodorah on-call. She tells me to make my way in and I'm at last feeling some mild uterine work going on.

7:05--parents arrive. i'm in the middle of relaxing through a contraction, so I send the kids out onto the porch to wave down their shuttle. here is my first pitch for Hypnobirthing--it gives you such good preparation to face labor, to be able to dismiss fear and panic as often as you need to, and to create a safe internal place where you can labor as comfortably and easily (yes, I'm actually using that word!) and quickly as possible. Labor is VERY strong, but you can work with it.

7:15--i've had three contractions/surges with my parents and i call mark to find out how close he is. he's turning into the driveway, so i head out and we turn right back around to the medical center. we call Theodorah en route to update her on the pace of things and she coaches me through a contraction on the phone (she has such a sense of discernment--i hope to have her "sooth the laboring lady" 6th sense someday . . .)

um, now i don't know the times for things. i had my eyes closed from here on out. how about some funnies from the next 30 minutes?:

• we go for valet parking. i listen to my hypnobirthing recording through a contraction and then get out into a wheelchair. i chose the valet and the chair because i wanted to be safely nested somewhere with my people (namely Mark and Theodorah) before i got too progressed. now for your mental image: Mark is carrying: his laptop case, a boombox, my green tote"hospital bag," and my purse. he is supposed to push me. having only one free hand, he alternates pushing one side then the other. i get rammed into all sorts of walls and stuck on door jambs. i swear the thing wasn't even properly connected to be pushed with two hands. from somewhere outside my body i find this hilarious.


• we get to the camera where you have to be buzzed in to L and D. i again find it hilarious that though they could see us, they still made mark explain why he wanted to be let in. "oh, no my wife is just sitting in this luxurious chair with her eyes closed as part of her Princess complex . . . take your time"


• when we pull up to the nursing desk i'm intensely focused on my contraction and have my little hypnobirthing recorder pressed to my face while i listen. i hear "uh, MAAA'AAm, you're gonna hav' ta get off your cellll phone." i manage to mutter "not cell phone. my music." i make a mental note that this will be funny later.

There are a few other procedural hang-ups once we get into the room, but already things are getting more comfortable and i feel more free to do what i need to do. My relaxation is tenuous and I have to work hard to regain it in each moment--it is affected by some insensitive or unaware nurses. Mark is doing great at being my advocate and keeping me calm. I should hire him out--he's the best support person. Especially I'm at ease once I sense that Theodorah is there. She (and my previous midwife) has this kind of anti-presence that when they enter a room it seems to suck the tension out of the room. She enters so quietly and non-intrusively that the behavior of all the other workers starts to modify in response. Though I haven't seen or heard her yet, I can sense this. Yes, this is very much a pitch for midwives. She touches my shoulder and tells me to "stay in the place where you need to be. just stay there." This is powerful.

Theodorah checked me and said the cervix had a little bit of a lip--just enough info to keep motivated and not too much to perplex. She gave me to go ahead and do what I felt like I needed to do. After that it was beautiful and quick. We are delighted to find out our little "suprise" is a girl!!! (Those are hard to come by in three generations of lots of male N*s) Mark checks three or four times and is still only 99% sure. ;)

So, from "pop" to delivery, it was only 2 hours!!! Who could've known?!

Within about an hour I'm standing and talking with Mark and Theodorah. Mark holds our little anonymous, who has already nursed, but won't be named for 2 more days--more on that later. By the way, he never looks more handsome than when he's holding one of our newborns.

It is a night of joy and self-discovery.

Alli's built-in Easter basket

in all our Easter finery . . .

SHE's here!!!!!

Mary Tessa Joyce N*

8 lbs 10 oz 20 1/2 inches

Allianna feeling all her velvety hair

A rock n' roll hair shot.

everything went really well and quickly. it was worth the wait (i mean the last few weeks especially) for the great experience we had. we could definitely feel everyone's prayers for our well-being as we look back through how everything played out.

sorry it took me so long to get this posted! ;)

What goes up must come down

I know Easter's way over . . .

but I'm 41 weeks and counting and I'm tempted to bunny hop everywhere I go.

I've done it for a half hour so far and Allianna thinks it's pretty hilarious.

sum sum summertime!

there's something good about knowing your kids have had their first splashy, sun-screened, sweaty, run-around-in-swimsuits day of the year.

Here's to days in scoobs*!!!

*"a swimming trunk worn every day during the spring and summer--all day, should the need to get wet arise--that acquire, through use, several tears and tatters and that, in essense, by use unfeigned, become a veritable part of one's epidermis." ~an anonymous Nolte boy

You never know how a candidate will run the country until . . .

you know how they would make an omelette.

REBORN--bring on the spring baby!

I am finally better and feeling like I'm reborn (even though I've got about 2 wks of pregnancy left)!!!! So bring on the spring, bring on the flowers, bring on the "i feel alive again," and bring on the springbaby.