My thyroid cancer

I know, that's quite the title! I've been deliberating for months about making this post, and since I'm going in for surgery tomorrow, I'm finally going to write it.

First of all, this is a cancer so treatable that I've had multiple doctors tell me that if you could pick a cancer to have this is the one to pick.

So, in December I noticed a lymph node in my neck that didn't seem to be going away. The kids and I (miraculously) hadn't been sick forever, so it didn't seem related to a cold or anything. In January I went through a bunch of biopsies, ultrasounds, and appointments (with ENT dr.s and endocrinologists). Even though we had been told at our first ENT appt. that there was a very high chance that the lymph node was nothing, when the (friday) ultrasounds started to drag on and had to be repeated after the weekend when there were more dr.s on staff, we knew that there was probably something (and probably cancer) going on. It was a weird weekend going to church and talking to family and friends and having that in the back of our mind but not bringing it up with anyone (yet).

On January 25 I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid carcinoma. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. Mark and I had done a lot of research during our waiting period (but seperately, because we each didn't want the other to get overly concerned before we knew anything) and so we knew from that and from the ENT dr.'s explanation that it is a very treatable "surgical" cancer. My initial grief was really for the baby and my upcoming birth; I didn't like the thought of having to leave the baby twice for up to a week in its first few months--I didn't know if I could have the kind of birth I'd planned on or if I'd be able to breastfeed. Sorting out those concerns was the substance of the next few months. Poor Simon and Alli . . . we tried to pay attention to them. You know, with being tired and pregnant and cancerous and all . . . ;) My other initial thought was, okay, this is a fascinating fact to put on my life history/ CV "I've lived in Zimbabwe, I play the viola, I had cancer in my 20s . . ."

Anyway, my treatment team consists of an endocrinologist and an ENT surgeon. Our first endocrinologist gave us the happy news that my surgery could wait until about a month after delivery. Hooray, I had my birth back in my hands, or, back in my . . . rather. Oh yeah, this is what the treatment will be:

• a thyroidectomy to completely remove my thyroid and other bad nodes. I take thyroid replacement pills daily forever (my first old lady pill!) like many people with thyroid issues.


• swallowing a dose of radioactive iodine. Thyroid cells are the only cells that take up iodine (all you former KeyClub-ers remember the fundraising to prevent goiters in developing countries by supplying iodine?) and so any remaining microscopic thyroid cell guys are zapped by the radioactive stuff.


• following me for recurrance (easily treatable with iodine) at intervals throughout my life. But, basically, I'm done, I'm normal and I can forget about cancer.

Now, my first team of physicians said I had to have the iodine about 6wks post-surgery. And that that would be the end of breastfeeding. Really pretty devastating--I looked into lots of options: pumping and dumping for MONTHS, getting friends to donate, being fine with formula, researching medical journals online, consulting medical friends, etc.

However, here in H*town we have one of the world's largest cancer centers. Mark works there, even. So we wondered if we should go there, but second-guessed ourselves because the treatment for my cancer is so "simple." Finally, in my very last, "sea-going barge" weeks of pregnancy I managed to make all the calls and get the records submitted to be seen at the ol' MDACC. They scheduled me for a day full of various appts the day before my due date. I was really begrudging having to ask more friends to babysit for a marathon day (between all my midwife appts and all the diagnostic appts of the past few months, many of our friends have been very gracious). But it turned out to be a surprisingly wonderful day!

Our endocrinologist was fabulous and much more human and emphathetic than our previous one; he was even the one to bring up extending breastfeeding by delaying the iodine treatment (and monitoring my thyroid levels in my blood)! In many ways, treatment and staff at the Cancer Center are night and day different from the other local hospital--I cannot recommend them highly enough!!!! So if you ever find yourself in a cancerous situation, go there. The previous dr.s I was with were completely competent, but the ones now are just fabulous (very talented, willing to not just follow the book and treat each *individual* as such, and so experienced)!!!

So, with that vote of confidence, I report for surgery tomorrow morning . . .

My mom and sister are coming in to be the mom for the next week and a half and gals from Relief Society at church are helping with lots of meals and babysitting. It's been a long crazy road, but I've felt the powers of heaven close many times.

There may be a blog-hiatus, but now you know why ;)

By the way, Mary Tessa's still VERY cute . . . I've got blessing pictures for her that you can anticipate the posting of.

Thank you for songs

Allianna has really taken to singing lately. It's hard to make her go get ready for bed when she's thrilling you with a conglomerate of the Alphabet song and another childhood favorite.

Here she is bringing me "some piano music" while I work on the computer (I've decided that submitting online hold requests is the only way for me to do the library anymore). The sound is kind of quiet on this video, sorry. Anyway, the best part is she spontaneously prays at the end--simply thanking Heavenly Father "for a song." It's pure.

***okay, so the video can't seem to line up the audio and video. and it gets off to a slow start. but it's up here for her grandparents at least. . .

Sisters

They're on their way . . . hooray!

It's Nanna and Papa!

--I'll get back to the blog next week!

My generations

My favorite people in this world came before and after me.*

My dear dad and mom came just in time to receive this new favorite gal.
(though my dad wasn't quite sure he was ready to hold her . . .).

*and one especial favorite came just 7 1/2 weeks after me. Love you, hon.

A Happy Birthstory!

I've been thinking through my birth of Mary Tessa many times over the past week. It seems like there are so many angles and details and I want to both emphasize the most important things and share the kooky "good story" bits.

• my mom and i had been joking over my 41st week that we are both not "water breakers." our pregnancies always go long and the bag holds strong.


• i did in actuality do the bunny hop on the b. day. i had spent 5 days with absolutely no signs of labor or more than a uterine squeeze.


• we already had 3 birthdays that week in our extended family (including mine) and i wanted the babe to have its own day (and not St. Patty's day at that!)

So here goes:

My parents had planned to fly in a week and a day after my due date. Simon was 6 days past, Allianna was 7 (and now Mary Tessa was 8 . . . a trend?), so I felt comfortable promising them I'd have a baby by the time they got there. About a half an hour after their plane landed, I was sitting out in the yard with the kids waiting for them and I reached down out of my chair quickly and "pop!"--whaaaaat, could this be? Was I now among the water breakers??? This was at 6:30pm. I called Mark at work and my parents to let them know--at least we knew now we'd have a baby within an earth's rotation.

6:45--call the midwives to let them know. I love them all, but am delighted to find out that it's Theodorah on-call. She tells me to make my way in and I'm at last feeling some mild uterine work going on.

7:05--parents arrive. i'm in the middle of relaxing through a contraction, so I send the kids out onto the porch to wave down their shuttle. here is my first pitch for Hypnobirthing--it gives you such good preparation to face labor, to be able to dismiss fear and panic as often as you need to, and to create a safe internal place where you can labor as comfortably and easily (yes, I'm actually using that word!) and quickly as possible. Labor is VERY strong, but you can work with it.

7:15--i've had three contractions/surges with my parents and i call mark to find out how close he is. he's turning into the driveway, so i head out and we turn right back around to the medical center. we call Theodorah en route to update her on the pace of things and she coaches me through a contraction on the phone (she has such a sense of discernment--i hope to have her "sooth the laboring lady" 6th sense someday . . .)

um, now i don't know the times for things. i had my eyes closed from here on out. how about some funnies from the next 30 minutes?:

• we go for valet parking. i listen to my hypnobirthing recording through a contraction and then get out into a wheelchair. i chose the valet and the chair because i wanted to be safely nested somewhere with my people (namely Mark and Theodorah) before i got too progressed. now for your mental image: Mark is carrying: his laptop case, a boombox, my green tote"hospital bag," and my purse. he is supposed to push me. having only one free hand, he alternates pushing one side then the other. i get rammed into all sorts of walls and stuck on door jambs. i swear the thing wasn't even properly connected to be pushed with two hands. from somewhere outside my body i find this hilarious.


• we get to the camera where you have to be buzzed in to L and D. i again find it hilarious that though they could see us, they still made mark explain why he wanted to be let in. "oh, no my wife is just sitting in this luxurious chair with her eyes closed as part of her Princess complex . . . take your time"


• when we pull up to the nursing desk i'm intensely focused on my contraction and have my little hypnobirthing recorder pressed to my face while i listen. i hear "uh, MAAA'AAm, you're gonna hav' ta get off your cellll phone." i manage to mutter "not cell phone. my music." i make a mental note that this will be funny later.

There are a few other procedural hang-ups once we get into the room, but already things are getting more comfortable and i feel more free to do what i need to do. My relaxation is tenuous and I have to work hard to regain it in each moment--it is affected by some insensitive or unaware nurses. Mark is doing great at being my advocate and keeping me calm. I should hire him out--he's the best support person. Especially I'm at ease once I sense that Theodorah is there. She (and my previous midwife) has this kind of anti-presence that when they enter a room it seems to suck the tension out of the room. She enters so quietly and non-intrusively that the behavior of all the other workers starts to modify in response. Though I haven't seen or heard her yet, I can sense this. Yes, this is very much a pitch for midwives. She touches my shoulder and tells me to "stay in the place where you need to be. just stay there." This is powerful.

Theodorah checked me and said the cervix had a little bit of a lip--just enough info to keep motivated and not too much to perplex. She gave me to go ahead and do what I felt like I needed to do. After that it was beautiful and quick. We are delighted to find out our little "suprise" is a girl!!! (Those are hard to come by in three generations of lots of male N*s) Mark checks three or four times and is still only 99% sure. ;)

So, from "pop" to delivery, it was only 2 hours!!! Who could've known?!

Within about an hour I'm standing and talking with Mark and Theodorah. Mark holds our little anonymous, who has already nursed, but won't be named for 2 more days--more on that later. By the way, he never looks more handsome than when he's holding one of our newborns.

It is a night of joy and self-discovery.

Alli's built-in Easter basket

in all our Easter finery . . .

SHE's here!!!!!

Mary Tessa Joyce N*

8 lbs 10 oz 20 1/2 inches

Allianna feeling all her velvety hair

A rock n' roll hair shot.

everything went really well and quickly. it was worth the wait (i mean the last few weeks especially) for the great experience we had. we could definitely feel everyone's prayers for our well-being as we look back through how everything played out.

sorry it took me so long to get this posted! ;)

What goes up must come down

I know Easter's way over . . .

but I'm 41 weeks and counting and I'm tempted to bunny hop everywhere I go.

I've done it for a half hour so far and Allianna thinks it's pretty hilarious.

sum sum summertime!

there's something good about knowing your kids have had their first splashy, sun-screened, sweaty, run-around-in-swimsuits day of the year.

Here's to days in scoobs*!!!

*"a swimming trunk worn every day during the spring and summer--all day, should the need to get wet arise--that acquire, through use, several tears and tatters and that, in essense, by use unfeigned, become a veritable part of one's epidermis." ~an anonymous Nolte boy

You never know how a candidate will run the country until . . .

you know how they would make an omelette.

REBORN--bring on the spring baby!

I am finally better and feeling like I'm reborn (even though I've got about 2 wks of pregnancy left)!!!! So bring on the spring, bring on the flowers, bring on the "i feel alive again," and bring on the springbaby.

My tylenol and my kleenex, they comfort me . . .

Mildly. Oh, this is the worst cold ever! I don't know if I'd rather be delivered of it or the baby more . . . and yeah, the kids are whining and fighting.
To their credit they've occasionally played quite well, while their mother neglects them . . .
To Alli's defense: she isn't allowed anything more than tylenol for her cold either . . . so she's both my nemesis and pathetic companion in this.

"Hon, I'm going to take the kids out and give you a break"

What, me, el Prego, need a break from this???

While I was cruising around town on my own, every Jane, Wilma and Sally wanted to know if I thought I'd have the baby this week. Four-ish more

weeks . . .

Self-portrait, My Profile

(just put a smiley stick-figure to the side).

We love them even though their kids are more photogenic. . .

Happy times last weekend with dear friends Bethany and Ryan (both not pictured, telling jokes off-camera) and their kiddos Nathan and Cody. Alli either didn't get the joke or wasn't going to smile about "the friends" leaving; Simon was in a Star Wars fantasy.

Geology loveliness!

Can you think of a better way to display geology--I can't. Mark did this and I love it--he would want you to know that one rock is pre-Cambrian, one is a dinosaur bone, and one is of an incredible age (the precise quantity of of years my prego brain can't remember . . .). Come visit; you can learn more details.

The Valentine Phantom came!!!

For the kiddos--the Valentine Phantom found these super-fun animals and fingerpaint paper. A complete surprise to me too!


(I had almost lost my faith in humanity because I have been searching since Christmas for fingerpaint paper, to no avail, but the beloved V.P. found it!)



















my valentine installation
by mark

love it!!!!!

how does he think of this--so fabulous!!!!


AND, we get a date to the fine arts museum tonight. big smile.

Who snaked my yog???!!?

So there is something going on at Mark's work.

Its level of ridiculousness makes it almost like a Cam Jensen mystery (if you don't remember those, you should hunt them out--Simon and I love them). Mark often packs a yogurt for himself as part of his lunch. And since he tries to be frugal and put in a long, solid work day he saves the dear sweet Yoplait (with its small bit of protein) to tide him over in the late afternoon.

One afternoon about two weeks ago he told me that much to his dismay, his yogurt was gone from the communal fridge (I don't know how many people use it--maybe twenty). We dismissed that, just an accident. But then again the next day, yogurt lifted. So what is a person thinking, "Oh, someone brings this everyday, but they don't really want it" or "I can take whatever I want from my mom's fridge so . . ."? We were baffled, but managed to move on.

Now this is the thing--Mark's yogurt has now been snaked four times in the last week or so. Who does this, what are they thinking? I could kind of see the temptation if it was, say, a loaf of banana bread, and you help yourself to a slice one day when you're desperately hungry--not that I would, but . . . 4 times? When it first started happening we thought of leaving a little note that said: "Let me know your favorite flavor and I'll bring you one too, just leave one for me." Weird thing was, it was never like Mark had left it for days; it was always just "bring it in the morning and it's gone before sunset."

And who can't afford their own silly yogurt? Guess there's a yogurt addict loose in the Medical Center who just can't help themself. ;) Reminds me of the 3 towels and a 25cent washcloth talk.

We thought it's now time to put this before the blog community tribunal--where all things small and weird can be known. Any theories?

For now, we've just marked them with a sharpie, so our little amnesiac will realize that's not his name on the yogurt and he didn't actually bring himself a life supply and stock the fridge a while ago.

Sinfonietta

Way back in December I broke a string on my viola, the day before I was supposed to play in a welcome slew of Christmas music events at church. So I had to track down an instrument shop. There are generally two types of these: 1) megamusic shops that carry tons of beginner piano music and drums and band instruments and some token string stuff, or 2) charming string shops that make you feel like you've stepped into a little bit of Italy (see Nancy's recent Cremona post). I was delighted to find one of the latter and as an added bonus it's a working luthier shop.

While there, the girl working there asked what orchestra I played with, and I somewhat sheepishly answered that I play mostly just at church (imagine Alli and Simon milling around my prego belly to complete the image). She recruited me to be a part of the chamber orchestra she plays in--it's so great to be a viola player because you're always in demand for great opportunities like these.

So in January I began rehearsing with the H* Sinfonietta, which has these great features:

• the best name of any group I've ever played with--and I'd never even heard the term before. It's not a symphony (those are too large), it's not an orchestra (generally strings only), it's got a little Euro spelling and flair (and an older little Greek conductor--all adjectives meant to be complimentary).
• the string sections are small--3-6 players in each. If you're a string player in my area, you should join up!!!
• a full and talented woodwind and brass section
• a concert on March 9--just early enough that I can be sure that I won't burst before then.
  

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

let's hear it for the rat!

I'm off to make a dragon to dance with with my kids--I love this stuff!

(Yes, I was a humanities major!)